Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Complicated.. random words and feelings..

total 19 posts, last published 13 sep 2009

hi... after the long long dream.. i finally relize.. im asleep.. not awake...
= =''

Quoted from everyone : "love life is complicated."

You havent try, u never know...

I dont know how to put it correctly...
but its true..

Dreaming la you sam...

Express my feeling here.. sometimes its just so top secret how i wish i can release everything out and then lock it somewhere...
if this blog is just not under my name.. ish.. haha..

The problem i face in writing the blog is i cant think of the words and actually what the reason i want to type... but before facing the keyboard and computer.. words fill up my mind..
LOL =x

ok... this way i should put..

When you accepted me.. I promised that I will never give up... There isnt even a chance or a little small hole that makes it possible..
It started off shakily... i understand... Proving to you was too little..
Thanks for trusting and gave me part of you to me. =)
So i thought, maybe i should do something to prove it since i wasnt *pro-active* enough..

so bla bla bla....

continue on next time la..

now i want to spit out my heart...
serious chest pain.. ><''
not heart attack right? =x
hehe.. (if you are reading this and im still alive... means im still alive lor.. xD)

i like to use example to explain things.. something that is very clear of is *the wound*.
The wound would be like a cut... a deep deep cut on your skin... then its called a wound...
it will bleed for awhile.. but then the wound will close up..
and normally layer of skin will grow on top...

similarly, you were hurt by someone.. that someone hurt you deep enough to make you have nightmares.. o.o''
so of course.. you'll make sure that there is no more second time.. rite? sure lah..
there for, u create *the skin* on top of your wound...

Dear, you are protecting it very very hard.. i understand it very much..
i respect you as who you are..

but since you have accepted me.. why cant you just lower down a little of your *skin* to let me be there to help you cure and mend the wound?

of course its a little greedy of me.. but if i dont.. when will i be then... outside watching you bleed internally with a fake protection on top of it..

Getting towards ilogical thinking already.............................................

let me cool down.. i revise for a moment..

the protection of you is making my self esteem to be lower down...
the trust is not there... without the trust.. how can we continue on...
Im just very very very very afraid.. i tell you.. afraid that what if... you continue to do that..
and i have reached my limits... (downwards limit) i'll let go...
which i hope it never ever N E V E R happens!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
but it may... if you continue doing things like that to hurt me..

for those who dont understand.. just let it be.. thx for reading my blog btw..
its just part of my feelings.. hehe...

dear... i told you almost everything since then.. how izit possible that you can blame that i am lying you on some other things..?
i am being truthful to you but somehow you are not very much...

im hurt so badly today... 3.42am dec 30th 2009..
eyes are heavy now..
eyes are tired.. mind is tired.. heart is also tired.. tomolo will always be a new day for me..

things happens and all are taken as an experience and bad things a taken in as a reminder and also lessons to me...
gambateh sam!
till the end of time..
once the switch is off.. im dead.. =)

signing off.